I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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