it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
