If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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