Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
