Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
