i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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