Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
