Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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