Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
