so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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