I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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