we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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