You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
