i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I could make wine with my vomit
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
