When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
