If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
