I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
