I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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