im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
