I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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