Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
