I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
