I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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