Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
