soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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