the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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