So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
