look no pants
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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