Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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