she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
