she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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