What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
