he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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