is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
