You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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