I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
