I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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