New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
