these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The uberlube is also flammable
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
