Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
