He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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