you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
