Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize