Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
