i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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