I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize