It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
