i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
