bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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