I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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