im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
