Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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