i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
