dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
