Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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