My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
