I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
