I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
