oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize