who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
