i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
