Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
