We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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