dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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