she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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