I am puke
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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