just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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