i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
