we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
