he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
