he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
